Reminiscing On My Own

I don’t know why I’m thinking of you right now. Maybe because last night I dreamt of you and to my surprise I no longer feel the hurt I was feeling of your sudden departure. Have I completely accepted the fact that this is all we could be? In my dreams you called me and say you want to talk things over. I saw myself in that world smiling, but the smile means nothing about my admiration for you before. What I felt that moment was I am happy because finally we’re friends even just in my dreams. I know we are in the real life but not the kind of friend we know, I have to make myself distant coz I don’t want to bring back what was there before. In my dreams you told me things I was longing to hear, you said ‘sorry’ and my heart then crushed as I was not expecting that you will say it. You told me that you chose her because she was more caring than I do. I wasn’t expecting for tears to roll down my cheeks but it did, I cried maybe because my imaginations before died when it could’ve lived longer. What a waste it was!

 

I am happy for 2 reasons, really. First, I am happy because somehow even if I was not granted with an actual closure, in my dreams and in my own mind they helped me create a certain feeling of contentment. Surreal feeling that seems so real in my wakening life. Second, I am happy because I know you are happy with her. You love her and she loves you back. I may sound so sarcastic but I’m not. I hope for the best not just for my own heart but for yours as well. May you continue to love her and not do the same to me, of going somewhere without letting me know that you’ll go away. Somehow my heart has learned from what has been done and I thank you for that. I’ll continue to live in peace, may you as well. I’m still here if you need me, I am still your friend. Someday we will find each other along the road smiling at each other and talking things like what we used to do. I am praying for that someday. As for now, let’s keep each other somewhere. In a memory where only you and me knows separately.

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