Envy Me

When I was young, my auntie used to tell me that I am the envious type of person. I grew up with my cousin and we were like twins, whatever I have, she also have it and vice versa. If she has something and I don’t have any then I tantrum. I never believed her, I know in myself I am not one and it is only normal to get envy on other people especially if they posses certain qualities or things that you don’t have or wish to acquire.

Why do we get envy anyway? What’s in that word and why does it sound so negative? I don’t know. Maybe it all started with nature. The nature of a human being dreaming to be someone, someone that is not them. I think it’s how you perceive things and put meaning to it. I hate the feeling of being envy, I don’t mean to make it a big deal but it troubles me knowing that the person has fair skin, has achieved a lot at his/her certain age, prettier than me, smarter than me and what not. It’s somehow a weak point of my life everytime I envy someone else’s success. I don’t have any self confidence either and that’s also a factor. It troubles me that I have this certain feeling towards other people. Don’t get me wrong, I am not the type who bash and especially I am not the type who put herself on a pedestal. All these things are just plainly in my head and it helps me (I guess in some ways) achieve my goals and dream big. Before writing this post, I’ve read a lot of articles about “being envy with someone” and it puts clearance in my head why we or I felt such thing. According to one of the post I read, “Envy- is secretly held emotion.” One of the author said it has something to do with self measurement, you work hard but still you keep going back and forth to measure your self-worth against that of the other person. She’s right, the act of comparing comes in. Even if you feel like you achieved enough for yourself but when you see other people achieved things better than you, it feels like you’re just a teeny- tiny person with no value at all. Crazy me. I used to feel so small before I learned something.

I practiced one thing during my childhood days, that is to control and accept the fact that this is all I can be and this is me. I am like this on a purpose and the value of my life does not depend on the achievement of others. There is no need to copy them because we have our own paths. Life is unfair, it really is. We can’t have it all. It’s up to you to survive the wilderness and jungle of achievers, beautiful, rich and successful people. Make your own statement, make your own story according to what you like and what you deserve. Then maybe by that time we can all say that somehow, LIFE is FAIR.

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