It was you who taught me about life. I learned so many things… so many things. We used to call you “lola example” because every time something happens you always butt in giving examples of the things you experience or you know. You took care of me when mama was not around or when she cared less of me. You were there. You stood by me. I remember one time when Ate Mai and I played picnic and we took your newly washed clothes and made it our blanket, you were so angry. I remember the times when you say bad words or yell at us. I remember how you made promises at me that never came true and I was so mad. I remember the first time you were brought to the hospital, the second time and the third…endless times. I feel like I was the one who’s responsible for this La. I wish I listened to you, to your feelings that we associate as dramas because of your age. I wish I had enough money so I could bring you to the hospital right away. I wish I was brave enough to push through bringing you at the hospital the night you collapse. But I didn’t. I remained a coward and numb. I didn’t feel anything that time, I thought I was acting brave but that was all a facade. I asked God to give you one last chance to live and HE did but I was not able to keep my promise at the end of the bargain. Who am I to ask for another favor? It’s thy will be done. Maybe all I can do is cry til it hurts no more. Until I accept that this is it. I feel like I die not only a deaths but a million. I am here for you at this journey but I feel like I was not able to do my best. I want you not to suffer. I don’t want you to suffer. I just can’t bear it. Instead of thinking the sadness, guilt and regrets I will pray for you. May the perpetual light shine on you and guide you on your journey. I promise to do whatever I can to constantly pray for you La. I love you always. Forever.