Emotions I won’t tell… (Confused)

“Don’t say you love me unless forever
Don’t tell me you need me, if you’re not gonna stay
Don’t give me this feeling, I’ll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away”

I was on my way to the airport last night when I heard the song “Don’t say you love me” by The Corrs and while I was listening… it hit me. The song filled the 4 chambers of my heart with so many emotions I couldn’t understand but what dominated most was longing or pain, well there’s a very thin line between the two. I’m really confused with what I’m feeling at that moment. No. I’m confused with what I’m feeling right now. My feelings for him and the status of my future self makes me feel so afraid. Heaven knows how I wanted to show him the bigger truths my heart knows but I don’t want to overwhelm him. If only I had the opportunity to take care of him and love him like no one else mattered but just him I would. I want to take care of his vulnerable heart. I want to show him the beauty of the world and the beauty of love. That it’s not just about pain and regrets and what ifs. I know I have so much to give, I am so confident with that and I don’t want to give this to any other person…only to him.

But… I can only love him from afar. And I don’t want to get inside the picture frame for I know he’s still reserving that void space for her ex. Maybe. Who knows. That thought pains me but what can I do about it? I can only love him in silence. I can only be that one friend for him. A FRIEND he wanted to keep forever.

(Sigh) I just want to be with you M.

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