It was you who taught me about life. I learned so many things… so many things. We used to call you “lola example” because every time something happens you always butt in giving examples of the things you experience or you know. You took care of me when mama was not around or when she cared less of me. You were there. You stood by me. I remember one time when Ate Mai and I played picnic and we took your newly washed clothes and made it our blanket, you were so angry. I remember the times when you say bad words or yell at us. I remember how you made promises at me that never came true and I was so mad. I remember the first time you were brought to the hospital, the second time and the third…endless times. I feel like I was the one who’s responsible for this La. I wish I listened to you, to your feelings that we associate as dramas because of your age. I wish I had enough money so I could bring you to the hospital right away. I wish I was brave enough to push through bringing you at the hospital the night you collapse. But I didn’t. I remained a coward and numb. I didn’t feel anything that time, I thought I was acting brave but that was all a facade. I asked God to give you one last chance to live and HE did but I was not able to keep my promise at the end of the bargain. Who am I to ask for another favor? It’s thy will be done. Maybe all I can do is cry til it hurts no more. Until I accept that this is it. I feel like I die not only a deaths but a million. I am here for you at this journey but I feel like I was not able to do my best. I want you not to suffer. I don’t want you to suffer. I just can’t bear it. Instead of thinking the sadness, guilt and regrets I will pray for you. May the perpetual light shine on you and guide you on your journey. I promise to do whatever I can to constantly pray for you La. I love you always. Forever.
Last year March 17, 2014 to be exact, I posted a blog about me having a fairy guide which is a fairy. I remember I was so happy when I knew that this fairy has been my guide for I-don’t-since. On the last part of that blog I was talking about being in doubt and self discoveries. Well I guess I’m starting to learn what these forces are and why that fairy was with me.
For some Catholics, maybe you’ve heard about ‘Healing Family Tree’. I am afraid I could not explain it properly as this topic is really immense and if I try to it might bring some confusion and more doubt to the readers. But anyways, I will tell as much as I can. This kind of healing, from the name itself helps each families who had recurring problems like addiction, financial problems, divorce, accidents and many kinds of diseases to be able to get away from it as it is believed that those problems came from our ancestors who had the same issues. Alright this sounds incredulously made up story, I know but let me explain further. When a person dies, it is said that their spirits who had those problems affect the next generation because their problems will be passed on to their descendants. In other words, children are adversely affected by the sins of their parents, grandparents and great-grandparents who were also affected by the sins of their ancestors. I’m not only talking about sins and diseases here by the way, there is a much bigger picture than this. Some ancestors also made curses that is passed on to the next generation, others had traumas and depression. This generational curses or bad inheritances needs to be cut for 2 main reasons. First, to heal the mind, body and spirit of the family members may it be living or dead. Second, for the prevention of any disorders in future family members who do not exist yet. Thus why it’s called ‘Healing Family Tree’.
Let me share to you my journey about discovering this. What happened to me was something I could not explain. I couldn’t understand if I should feel happy because somehow there is this gift within me or should I fear because I don’t know where this would lead me. Fear of the unknown. They said I could be of help to those spirits who are already in a different realm who needs prayers. They couldn’t go up because of the amount of sins they’ve made when they were still alive. I am used as a medium to talk to my dead ancestors. Yes! At first I thought I was under hypnosis or something. Like what I posted on my previous blog, I’m a to see is to believe kind of person. So the first time we did it, my mind was in total opposite to what my family believes in. I don’t buy it. Period. However for some reasons when we did the healing, my body starts to move uncontrollably. I am speaking languages I can’t even understand, I’m performing rituals and chanting. It was not me after all, it was my ancestor who sold herself to the Prince of Darkness. It happened not only once but many times. We found out that the reason why the sisters of my grandfather and my 2 aunts did not marry was because during the 16th century, one of our ancestors made an offering that all virgins of her lineage will be submitted to Satan. Another one was a curse spoken by a rich Spanish woman on the 15th century that no matter how much we try to succeed we will always fail. We break the curse, released them in chains and free our generation from any of those. As of the moment we still continue to pray and offer masses to them. I want to write something about this because maybe like me, you also have that gift within you. Offer prayers and masses for your ancestors especially those forgotten ones. You have no idea how much it would mean to them.
This article is only part of the whole. There are still a lot of things I haven’t discovered yet and I’m still on with this journey. I thank God because no matter how much I denied Him before He still accepts me and now I’m back into His loving arms.