#forlorn

Went karaoke last night, I feel like all the love songs were made for me. I don’t know why I’m like this, you pushed too many buttons in me I didn’t know I have. I want to feel free again because I’m like caged in the thought that maybe there will be an “us” but I know that it’s not gonna happen. Why do I feel pain? The thought of you distracts me. The thought of you in my life is what I want but all the what ifs makes it so hard. I don’t know but I feel like I met you for a reason. I mean there’s a reason behind every coincidences plus our stars! Damn our stars! You may not understand them now but… oh well I don’t want to give my heart so much hope cause I know there’s nothing to hope for. These overflowing emotions I have for you is a waste. It can never be real and I have to accept that. I’m just desperate to have someone in my life, I get that now. I don’t want to be alone. I want to love and be loved. Hmmkaaay that’s too much. I just hope that when I leave Philippines, I’ll be able to move on and find myself in a foreign land alone. I don’t want to forget you but I want to forget the feeling ‘coz it hurts so much. So much that sometimes I see myself staring at blank space, not talking to my friends or responding so late. I don’t want to feel assumptions anymore. Help me not to assume please. I can be your friend forever but I can’t do that if I have feelings for you, feelings I know you will never reciprocate. Pity party 2016! I didn’t forget what you said about not giving up so easily in general, so I know that until now you still want to fight for her. Maybe not today but in the not so distant future (insert tears and this fucking emo love song). Keep calm and breathe Kath! It will be over soon. I know somewhere in my not so distant future as well, I’ll see that one man…the right person God will give me. Who is he? He’s the only one who can heal me. Oh come here sooon.