Every time I feel something I couldn’t describe, the question “why?” always pops my head. Why do I have to feel something like this? To think, you are only 0.009% reality. I don’t know your whole being and background, haven’t seen you yet or even heard your voice. But why? Why do I always feel something that drags me down? I get lost because of you, I became estrange with my own self. So to stop this insanity I decided not to speak with you for how many months. That was the only way I could get out of your image but, every where I go, the Universe has its way of reminding me that I left something behind. I always see your name wherever I go. Kinda freaks me out actually. I am not good at keeping promises to myself so I broke my own when I started speaking with you again. It was okay but I know something has changed. All I got from you was, you missed this girl from Russia. Boy, I can totally erase you in my life and pretend that you haven’t existed at all. I can do it, but I don’t want to. Why? I don’t know the answers. Part of me wants to be with you someday no matter how hard or impossible it is. Part of me wants to see you even from afar no matter how long I have to wait. Part of me is hoping you will love me back even just for a while. I want to know you more. I want to know who you are, not at this generation. Have you contributed to my past life? Who are you in my future, or are you even a part of it? I don’t know. I don’t have the answers to these questions right now. All I can do is to live “at the moment” and make the most out of my life. I just don’t know what else to say. Sigh. I just want to be happy.
I thought of you every single hour of every day. You are always here, in my mind and in my heart. Even if I choose to ignore the feelings, I know deep inside me that it won’t go away that easy. I trust our stars. I’ve seen our patterns and I believe them. Someday, when everything is okay, we will cross our roads again, in the most unexpected way like the first time we met. I’ll keep on loving you ’til then. I trust the universe and I believe what is already written. You will always and forever be my Gemini.
Dear Future BF,
Again, I’m in the middle of loneliness. For some reasons I feel that there’s lacking in my heart. Is it you? I don’t know. Whenever I feel so empty, I always ask.. Is it gonna be the same if you’re here? Will I ever feel so empty and cold at this moment? That still I don’t know. I keep everything to myself, none of my close friends knew that I’m feeling this way. Honestly, I need you. How can a person feel they needed someone they haven’t meet yet? I’m not sure with the answer. Maybe there’s a blind connection between us that when I needed someone I come to think of you. All of the questions I have in my mind is when. When can I see you? When can I hug you? When can I kiss you? When can we share our love? I don’t know, will that someday going to happen? I’m longing for the touch I haven’t felt yet, longing for that lips I haven’t tasted yet, longing for you love I haven’t personally experienced yet. I love you and I miss you. Please be here soon.
Your Future GF