#forlorn

Went karaoke last night, I feel like all the love songs were made for me. I don’t know why I’m like this, you pushed too many buttons in me I didn’t know I have. I want to feel free again because I’m like caged in the thought that maybe there will be an “us” but I know that it’s not gonna happen. Why do I feel pain? The thought of you distracts me. The thought of you in my life is what I want but all the what ifs makes it so hard. I don’t know but I feel like I met you for a reason. I mean there’s a reason behind every coincidences plus our stars! Damn our stars! You may not understand them now but… oh well I don’t want to give my heart so much hope cause I know there’s nothing to hope for. These overflowing emotions I have for you is a waste. It can never be real and I have to accept that. I’m just desperate to have someone in my life, I get that now. I don’t want to be alone. I want to love and be loved. Hmmkaaay that’s too much. I just hope that when I leave Philippines, I’ll be able to move on and find myself in a foreign land alone. I don’t want to forget you but I want to forget the feeling ‘coz it hurts so much. So much that sometimes I see myself staring at blank space, not talking to my friends or responding so late. I don’t want to feel assumptions anymore. Help me not to assume please. I can be your friend forever but I can’t do that if I have feelings for you, feelings I know you will never reciprocate. Pity party 2016! I didn’t forget what you said about not giving up so easily in general, so I know that until now you still want to fight for her. Maybe not today but in the not so distant future (insert tears and this fucking emo love song). Keep calm and breathe Kath! It will be over soon. I know somewhere in my not so distant future as well, I’ll see that one man…the right person God will give me. Who is he? He’s the only one who can heal me. Oh come here sooon.

Can’t Let Go

Hi blog. I’m so lost. I saw him with her the day my Lola’s passing. I thought I no longer have feelings for him but then it still affects me. He… still affects me.
But I can’t let go
‘Coz deep in my heart I know
There’s a bit of hope
That there will be us
But I can’t let go
For I know you’ll see me too
Not the girl I used to be
But a woman who can
Love you unconditionally
I can’t let go
To this pity feelings of mine
Someday you’ll realize
I’ll wait for the time
Promise I won’t let go
I will be here always
Trust that my feelings remain
Until the very end…

‘Til again FXC.

Lost Soul

3:20 AM and I cant sleep. Then I caught myself writing something in my notepad. Am I really a lost soul? Maybe. I feel so trapped. I want to breathe! I want to go somewhere far from home like, in a place where no one knows me. Anyways, thanks in advance for reading.

I am a lost soul
Trying to find my way back
To my human form
Consigned into oblivion
Not knowing where to go

Help me find my way
Been going around in circles
Don’t let me fall astray
Help my soul incarnate
Don’t let me fall in dismay

I am an epitome of the dead
Away from my life
Not sure what lies ahead
Captured by my own strife

Help me find the way out
Been lying here for the longest time
What’s in there, tell me now
Before my heart fill with grime

Help me find my way out
What is the round about
My poor soul is longing for its form
Help me now, before I totally transform

Than you 🙂

Faded Memories

To that one person I couldn’t forget until today. Thanks for being an inspiration to my art. It’s been a while since I last wrote something like this. This is more like a song than a poem actually. You may never care or even heard about me but I don’t have any intentions of letting you know about this anyway. This is my secret sanctuary, no one knows everything I’ve been writing here but me so I guess I’m safe. All I want is to gather some words and put them in an aquarium where it can swim freely and I’ll watch them til I get tired. But, I’ll never get tired of picking words and add up to my collection. Until I’m alive, I’ll continue to write some songs for the heart. May it be mine or somebody else’s.  Here it goes.

Trapped memories in my head
slowly fading in time
I couldn’t recall the last image
of you in my mind

Was it when we kissed
under the rain one night
Or was it when you held my hand
and utter the words goodbye

Mixed dreams and real memories
like a faded photograph
That I took when I was happy and sad
Surreal feelings in my heart
like a nightmare becoming real
Help me forget, help me understand

Time and again I run through
I couldn’t count the times
when my mind speaks your name
Like a drug, my addiction

Am I still into you?
Or am I just inlove with love
I don’t know you anymore
Time took you away
so far away I couldn’t follow
there, it’s better you stay

I’ll let it fly and cut the string
I whisper you goodbye
Keep you in my unknown treasury
Like a faded memory

Thank you again F. I’ll be back soon. ♥♥♥